Famous films recaptioned: Lassie Come Home

Lassie brings books to a boy the film Lassie Come Home

“Lassie arrived with the copies of the Fifty Shades books”

From the film Lassie Come Home.

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A brief guide to the Star Wars universe: Ariq Joanson

Ariq Joanson from Star Wars: A New Hope

Ariq Joanson

I guarantee you that when you chat Star Wars to someone, this character will not come up in discussion. Ariq Joanson has a fleeting appearance in A New Hope where he can be seen in the Mos Eisley Cantina.

He, like Owen Lars, is a moisture farmer and strived to create peace between moisture farmers, Sand People and Jawas.

Character cool factor: 2

Most likely to: be quietly getting on with his moisture farming

Least likely to:  be raging war on Jawas

10 movie sequels that nobody really wants

Little John in the film Robin Hood Prince of Thieves

Scraping the barrel with the worst movie sequels we don’t want to see

  1. Robin Hood – Prince of Thieves – The Adventures of Little John – In this not so compelling sequel Little John searches for some good sized logs in the forest for his open fire
  2. The Bodyguard 2 – Frank Farmer is retired and sits at home playing his Rachel records all day
  3. The Motorway on the River Kwai – the bridge has gone, but construction work has begun on…
  4. Back with the Wind – Rhett Butler returns and pursues various romances with various well-to-do women over the course of six hours
  5. The Game (of Life) – Michael Douglas returns in this calmer sequel where he and his family sit down and play the board game The Game of Life
  6. More Misery – James Caan returns as novelist Paul Sheldon, minus Kathy Bates. Paul is writing a new novel, while in bed with two broken legs, about his experiences from the original film. Made up mainly of compilation clips from the first film
  7. Front Window – An unofficial sequel to Hitchcock ‘s Rear Window. A photographer for a local Parish Council newsletter thinks he has seen someone park on double yellow lines. He must sit at his window, spy on said car and investigate
  8. Lethal Weapon 5 – Mel and Danny are back! Both retired, they play some golf, smoke cigars and reminisce about the good old days
  9. Extremely Dirty Dancing – Jennifer Grey returns as Baby, who is actually now around 60 years old. She enlists the help of dancer/yoga teacher Kevin Bacon to get her back into shape, while also romancing him every twenty minutes
  10. Excessively Dirty Dancing – Jennifer Grey returns as Baby, who is actually now around 60 years old. She lands a job at a burlesque club on reception and romances the choreographer James Spader every half an hour or so

So there we have it, are these the worst movie sequel ideas of all time? Or could there be something worse out there!

The Human Centipede 4 anyone?

Dieter Laser in the film The Human Centipede 3

Is the world ready yet for another Human Centipede film?

The Human Centipede 4 – let’s not rule it out just out. Despite the third film being universally panned by critics and fans alike, another sequel in the notorious series could still happen.

I admit, I turned part three off after ten minutes because it was actually losing me. Then I returned to it in a few days with a more open mind. I knew it had received awful reviews and kind of wanted to see why.

The bulk of the the third film is Dieter Laser’s character in his office coming out with expletives and just being horrendously over the top. Laser’s performance is compelling and exhausting and infinitely more interesting than the centipede bit, which seems to play second fiddle to his hysterics.

So for a Human Centipede 4 to work, would it only work with Laser in it? It could be interesting to see him playing an introverted hero, totally opposite to the repellent character from the third film.

The centipede cannot get any bigger, it was pretty enormous in the third film. So the impact would have to come from elsewhere. A direction it could go in is ‘nature gone wrong’. Think of Jeff Goldblum’s tragic metamorphis in The Fly. Director Tom Six could go down that route where a real centipede and a human morph. Do away with the gross bits inbetween and turn it more into a sci-fi creature feature.

We shall wait to see what director Tom Six has in store!