“It says here Bond, that you have five nipples…is this true?”
From the Bond film Skyfall.
Shark vs Statham is a mega success
The Meg might just be the most thrilling shark film since Jaws. Combine a 75 foot prehistoric megladon and Jason Statham stuck out at sea on a rescue mission and you have all the ingredients for a great shark film.
I went to see The Meg with an open mind, having sat through endless budget shark films I was hoping the effects would not be cheap CGI. Thankfully, this was far from the case, as the shark was utterly convincing and also genuinely menacing.
Director Jon Turteltaub teases the audience for a relatively long period before unveiling the shark and when the megladon finally appears it doesn’t disappoint.
Yes there are the usual cliches that one might expect. At the start of the film we see Jason Statham’s character doing the ‘I’ve had a bad experience in the water before, now all I do is drink and you’ll never get me back in the water’ thing. Of course within minutes he is back in the water…
Oh and there’s the obligatory romance bubbling under and the somewhat slimy boss and you can probably predict which characters will be dispensed of by the time film ends, but somehow, none of that matters because it’s all done so well. The film does not take itself too seriously but never strays into outright comedy. There’s even a nice nod to Jaws.
The pace is fast, the ocean photography is superb and the soundtrack is distinctive as it balances panpipes with brute force orchestration to tremendous effect.
The cast are all likeable, with a convincing turn from Li Bingbing as the female lead and Statham on top form, being…Statham.
What really impressed me with The Meg was the fact it did not hold back. You promise the audience a massive shark, you want to see it wreak absolute havoc. Let’s just say one of the best moments is the shark arriving at a packed beach and doing it’s thing.
I can confidently say this is right up there with Deep Blue Sea in the exhilaration stakes. Nearly two hours of adreneline pumping thrills that should satisfy every shark film enthusiast and probably everyone else too.
Why the Jaws lady must be admired
Ellen Brody from the Jaws films managed to outlive her husband Martin and son Sean. She also got to enjoy a romance with the formidable Hoagie, played by Michael Caine in Jaws: The Revenge.
Over the years, much discussion has focused on the shark and Martin Brody, but too little attention is heaped upon the delectable Ellen Brody (Lorraine Gary) who is a tour-de-force of a lady.
She goes from being doting mother in the original two films, to a heartbroken grandmother and all-out action hero in the final sequel. She does this while still managing to pull off a look that can best be described as elegant, classy and chic.
In Jaws: The Revenge Ellen rocks a stylish blonde hair-do that isn’t a million miles off Grace Kelly and huge sunglasses that call to mind the chic of Bardot. This is one stylish granny.
Gary anchors her performance with an affecting turn, managing to convey the grief of losing her son extremely well, while also showcasing her vulnerability as she toys with a relationship with Hoagie. Oh and not to mention her determination to finally nail that shark…which she inevitably does.
Ellen Brody, we salute you!
“Holly’s cat’s choice of hiding place in their game of hide and seek was somewhat poor”
From the film Breakfast At Tiffany’s.
A forgotten character from Critters 3
Why does nobody ever discuss Marcia from the 1991 film Critters 3? She is basically a budget Ripley. When I saw the film Marcia was one of the characters whom I was rooting for. She was gutsy, likeable and dead-pan. This is the kind of woman you want living in the flat above you.
A strong performance from actress Katherine Cortez cemented Marcia as one of the most memorable characters in the film. Though I would have liked her to have been more instrumental in the finale, the producers made a wide decision to keep her alive…just incase she is needed for Critters 5, ahem.
“Now watch ladies, Fred leans slightly and will shortly take off”
From the 1932 film A Farewell To Arms.
Want to look like Bond as you emerge from the ocean? Then read on…
Summer holidays present many problems for men, such as… does one wear socks with sandals or sport a panama hat while at an airport. But the biggest problem that affects all men everywhere is how to emerge from the sea in a masculine and jaw-dropping fashion.
Daniel Craig did of course pull off a tour de force of how to properly step out of the sea in the James Bond film Casino Royale. Who could forget that iconic moment with him in those swimming trunks confidently striding back to shore.
So to assist men across the world, here are some tips on how to come out of the sea Bond style:
- You must be sporting a pair of noticeably bright swimming trunks that draw the eye. Banana yellow is too bright and speedos are not advised, but turquoise or lilac may work
- Your hair must be slightly matted to suggest you have been brave enough to properly go under the water. If you have no hair, skip this point
- You must look slightly stern and suspicious
- Pause before you fully exit the water, holding a pose where you gaze towards the shoreline. You are not looking at anyone in particular, they are looking at you
- Breath in to tighten stomach muscles and hold for as long as possible
- Do not stop to admire a passing fish or piece of seaweed as this will diminish your cool exterior
There we have it. Now you can be like James Bond and have all eyes on you next time you’re in the sea.
“So Mr. Bond, I have you booked in for lower leg laser hair removal, yes?”
Yet another of the Bith musicians who can be located in the Mos Eisley Cantina. Sun’il Ei’de plays the drums and looks just like all of his fellow players. Can more be said on him. Probably not.
Character cool factor: 5
Most likely to: be drumming
Least likely to: be playing air guitar